Recently I hosted one of the regularly scheduled conference calls for Mentoring For Free called the Leadership Skills Call. On the call I talked about what it means to be a Mentor. Here’s what I said:

When I first started MFF I resisted calling myself a Mentor. I didn’t believe I was one. I myself never really had one in my life. I never had anyone take me under their wing and guide me. So this whole experience was new to me.

When I first started the system, I was concerned with only MY success, what’s in it for me? I wasn’t really concerned about helping others because up until that point, it was all about me. So it wasn’t any wonder that things got off to a slow start. Not many downloads, and those that did download, didn’t get my full attention. If I thought there was any chance they wouldn’t join me in my business, I’d let them go. No more follow-ups, or phone calls. Heck, I even deleted people out of my back office. Especially if they never answered the phone. If they didn’t have time for me, I didn’t have time for them. Talk about an EGO!!

Well, naturally, I started to think that the system didn’t work. And you know, you hear Michael talk all the time about how to have more you have to become more. You have to be the person people want to be in business with. So in order to do that, there are some things you have to work on within yourself. It wasn’t until I really began to understand that, and start to work on that, that things got better.

So I came up with a few short items that I think are essential in being a good mentor.

But before I begin that part, I want to clarify that we always say that being a good mentor is being a good pointer. Showing people where to go to get information or learn a skill, and that’s the basis of it, but there’s more. There’s building that relationship with someone. And that has to go beyond just pointing. Pointing will get you started, but building that Know – Like and Trust is the golden key. And to do that, you need to work on some key points within yourself.

1. Insecurity – Insecure people make themselves look better at other people’s expense. Insecure people can only feel important when they belittle others to make themselves feel bigger. My father was a perfect example of this. He used to put me down all the time. I loved playing basketball, but my dad hated the sport, so nothing I ever achieved was good enough. I would get written up in the paper or get voted most valuable player in some tournament, and he would say stuff like, I bet the other team were girls, or handicapped or something like that. He would say if I was a real boy I’d play a man’s game like football. Nothing I achieved was important to him. Same thing with grades. To some parents, a high grade like an A would be reasons of joy, but not to him. He was jealous of any success I had, and high grades were cause for ridicule. He’s say, “You think you’re smart cause you got an A? Live in the real world awhile and you’ll realize how dumb you really are. Insecurity was rampant in my household when I was growing up, so naturally, I became very insecure myself. I found myself doing the same thing. Putting people down so I would feel better. I always found fault in others. I always judged. Not the basis for building a good relationship. NOW on the other hand, a successful, secure person will raise people up! They’re not threatened by the thought of others becoming more successful or reaching a higher level than they do. That is probably one of the most important things I’ve learned through this process.
2. Ego – This one is big. You can’t lift people higher than you if you have to be the center of attention. If you think that others are only here to serve you, you’re definitely going to have a hard time building a relationship with people. Ego driven people are so consumed with themselves that they never even consider spending time lifting others up. So here’s a silly thing that I used to do… I would only call women who downloaded my eBook. Why? Because for some reason, I felt superior to women. What a joke! That was definitely something I had to work on. I’m so ashamed to admit that, but it’s the truth, and it needed to be dealt with. Funny thing is, once I made that shift and let go of the EGO, I found that it’s the women on my team that are kicking butt and doing better than me. And now I’m ok with that.
3. Potential – It’s hard enough for people to see their own potential, let alone the potential of others. But it’s key that you find yours. Once you do that, you can then see it in others and help them reach theirs. But that takes commitment, diligence, and a genuine desire to focus on others. You have to look at the person’s gifts, temperament, passions, successes, joys and opportunities. And once you find that seed of potential, you need to fertilize it with encouragement and water it opportunity. If you do that, the person will blossom and grow before your eyes. Now do you see why you have to get rid of the insecurities and Ego before this step? Being burdened with those things will never let you see the other person for who they truly are.
4. Lastly, I think a lot of people have the wrong concept of success. True success is knowing your purpose, growing to reach your maximum potential, and sowing those seeds to benefit others. It’s not the amount of money you make, or the level you reach in your organization. The average person is scrambling to arrive at a destination or acquire more possessions than their next-door neighbor, only to find that when they get there, they’re unfulfilled. Unless we’re out there helping others, our success is shallow. – I read a great quote the other day by a guy named Cullen Hightower. He said, “A true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success.

So, now that we know what to work on, what do we need to do to start being a good mentor?

Well, like I said earlier, raising people to a higher level and helping them be successful involves more than just giving them information or teaching them skills. If that were the case, everyone who downloads the eBook would be a success as soon as they understood the system.

But success doesn’t automatically follow knowledge. Remember, we’re dealing with PEOPLE here, so we need to understand some basic concepts about what makes people tick.

That’s why we stress learning the personality colors. They’re the key that opens the main door into how a person behaves. Understanding those things will help you also realize that not everyone is like you. They’re not motivated by what you’re motivated by. They don’t react like you do, they don’t see things like you do. So learning the personality colors will go a long way in figuring out how to help someone.

Another couple concepts to keep in mind is that,

1. Everyone wants to feel worthwhile. – Develop your skill in making other people feel important. There’s hardly a higher complement you pay an individual than helping them be useful. When a person doesn’t feel good about themselves, they will never believe they are successful, no matter what they accomplish. But a person who feels worthwhile is full of success.
2. Everyone responds to encouragement – If you want to raise another person up, then you need to become one of their biggest supporters. People can tell when you don’t believe in them. Here’s another quote for you. Charles Schwab said, “I have yet to find the man however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism”
3. People are naturally motivated. – think about a toddler soon after they learn how to walk. They’re into everything! They have a natural curiosity and you can’t get them to sit still. I believe we all have that still, it’s just been beaten down by the lack of support, busyness, stress, bad attitudes and lack of appreciation. You need to get people remotivated and excited about growing to their potential.
4. People buy into you the person, before they buy into your leadership. – People won’t follow you just because your cause is good. That’s not the way leadership works. People will follow you only when they believe in you. That’s why it’s critical to devote yourself to raising other people up to a higher level. If people see you doing that, they’re more likely to believe that it’s them that you’re more interested in than yourself.

One book I highly recommend you read, but not just read, but study, is How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. That book is invaluable in helping you understand people. Because understanding people, and understanding yourself will help you have a better chance of success in mentoring than anything else.

If you’d like to listen to the call, feel free to go here: Leadership Skills Call 9/26/2011

To Your Success, Because Your Success Matters!

David Haines
(215) 268-6696 Anytime!

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